Juan-of-a-kind season

Bachelor fans, Juan-uary is HERE!!!  Season is to premiere Sunday January 5^th where we can get to know the ladies better (and other surprises!!).  I’ve been saying they should do that for years, so I’m glad it’s happening!  This will definitely help the first few weeks not to be so confusing, trying to keep all the ladies straight, (in case some of them are gay).  Who am I kidding, we are still going to be confused as heck and wondering what is going on, especially now that they made it 27 ladies, because 25 wasn't good enough for Juan man...

Monday January 6^th will be still be “Night Juan” a.k.a. Night one, meeting Juan and all of the awkwardness of first night that Bachelor fans all love.  And hopefully some DRAMA.

Now let’s talk about the ladies *This blog is spoiler free*

If you have watched the show before, you will know that every season there are a few Amys, a few Ashleys, a few personal trainers, a hard core vegetarian, an African American, a hair stylist, a single parent, a few models, a few smart girls and then... the rest of the girls.  This season is not different, go figure.  

I guess we should start with the star of the show...  Bachelor Juan Pablo!!  He’s not MY personal pick for the best bachelor (don’t kill me right now and please keep reading), I could name 20 other people who I personally would have picked first, but I’ll keep watching this show until I die so whatever.  He will be fun to watch, and I do completely believe that he is the right pick for this season, as long as they provide subtitles.  Yeah right!  Who am I kidding???  No one even cares what he is saying because he is that handsome.  Truth be told, I'm looking forward to getting to "know" him better.

Juan Pablo, 31, is a former pro soccer player.  Wait, The Bachelor cites his occupation as what he used to do?  Let’s put that in a conversation shall we?  
“Hey, nice to meet you Juan, so what do you do for a living?”  
“Who me?  I used to play soccer.”  *Awkward*  
“Oh and now???”   
“Yeah now I just date women on TV...”   

Juan is from Barquisimeto, Venezuela, he is 5”11, has juan (1) tattoo I’m sure we’ll see a lot of during those half nude clips ABC loves to show...  He has fond memories of winning a youth soccer tournament, because let's face it: that’s real life and that’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him.  Wait, isn’t he a dad??  I'm not judging, just asking.

He likes good music & dancing, except apparently he can’t dance.  But that has never stopped me, or Chris Bukowski, even though we all wish it had stopped him (right?).

So the ladies now...  First we have Alexis Morgado, 24 years old from Florida.  She’s listed as a communications director, but her Facebook states that she is a cheerleader dancer at TampaBay Lighting.  She is a Bible-lover-Catholic who cites that she liked Home Alone 2 as her favorite movie.  Not the first one, the second one folks.  Oh and Elf and Titanic, for good measure. 

From recent Facebook interactions, it appears that Alexis and Maggie Grant will be the Catherine and Lesley of this season.  I mean let’s say you can’t find lasting love on the show, might as well make friends!!!  She speaks Spanish and has 2 sisters: Daniella and Natalie.

She wants to do missionary work and travel the world to educate other cultures about her faith and help improve their physical lives. Maybe we can work something out girl.  What do you say???  How does South Africa sound? 

She is on the bachelor to make friends and travel.  Which isn’t a terrible reason to go on the show! We probably will see this one and many other contestant trying to impress Juan with their Spanish...

Next we have Alli Restko, 26.  She’s listed as a nanny and that is always a good thing for a single dad traveling the world to find love.  Remember guys, Ashley S. was a nanny (with a smoking hot body).  Truth be told, Alli’s Facebook lists that she works at the tennis channel (TV network).  So much for the free babysitting the producers were counting on.

Her  hometown is Orland Park, IL but she is currently living in Chicago.  She is also catholic, and I really like her outfit on the bio picture.  Seems the girls this season really toned it down and wore simple tanks, but she rocked this cute outfit and I love it.  Also her sister's name is Amy and I wonder why her sister isn’t on the show instead of her. 

The most outrageous thing she has ever done is moving to Australia after college by herself, for 2 years.  That’s pretty cool.  If she was stranded on a desert island she would NOT bring Juan, just her dog, piano and a knife.

Ok so next we have Amy#1 (J), 31.  She is a massage therapist and that’s a dream person to have around if you are a contestant!  I’ll trade you 5 minutes of time with Juan for a massage.  Deal.  #winning.  So she’ll get a lot of time with Juan this one... She's also got major toned muscles from all that massaging.

She hopes to find peace during this time away... she realizes this is the bachelor right???  So no to peace, say please to drama.  My favorite thing on her bio was this: 

“If you wanted to really impress a man, what would you do and why? I would try to find out some secret wish or childhood dream, then figure out a way to make it come true. Something they've always wanted or wanted to try. We all have them and it means a lot when the person you love is invested in those things.”

So Amy#2 or Amy L...  Wait...  what is she wearing???  I can’t even focus.  At 27 I feel like someone should have...  Never mind.  She is a local news reporter from Florida, which is the place to be from this season.  Her favorite author is Dr. Seuss so she and Miss school teacher Ashely Poe (who also loves Dr. Seuss) are already BFFs.  Forget Juan.  

She is funny “If you wanted to approach a man you had never met before, how would you go about it? Walk up to them...how else? “

Ok get ready for my early favorite girl...

Andi Dorfman, 26, federal prosecutor from Atlanta, who lists her favorite television show (besides The Bachelor of course) as Scandal .  Put this girl on my top 4 now...  Never mind, she’s my #1.  Smart, pretty and she likes Scandal!  Of course the show hasn’t even started, so she might end up being awful...  She convicted someone of murderer in 8 minutes.  If I ever committed murder, I don’t know how long I would need to be convinced of it.  Just saying.

She wants to travel, go on an African safari (with me) and visit Lover's Bridge in Paris and put a lock on it... (with Juan Pablo of course... and me).

It’s not a full cast unless you have an Ashley, so next we have Ashley Poe, 25, Miss grade school teacher who also likes Dr. Seuss.  Her favorite sports are football, basketball, baseball – does she realize who the bachelor is??? 

She enjoys a Pumpkin Spice latte from Starbucks, sweater dresses, scarves, leggings, boots... Fall fashion!!  So basically she’s speaking my love language...  

She thinks dry shampoo is for camping, so she has not heard of all the other uses for it, which is a crime to humanity. Volume hun, volume!  She loves it when her date makes her feel like she is the only woman in the world and no one else has ever made him feel the way she makes him feel.  That MIGHT be difficult in this situation...  Just saying.  I predict a lot of tears from Miss Ashley.

The youngest contestant, Cassandra, (21) is already discouraged to be single and it dying to find love.  It’s going to be a long life.  She is a former NBA dancer, because we are really dying to know what everyone was doing before their current job.  She is a flipping 5'10", so obviously she is standing in the back of every group picture.  Incidentally she’s afraid of heights...  Being so tall I get it.  

Also stay tuned for her being put on a scary date where she has to conquer her fear and how it bonds her with Juan...  that is if he doesn’t kick her off night one for still being in diapers.  She is our token vegetarian this season and really really really likes hand holding.

The Bachelor must have an African American on the show or else they get sued.  So here is Chantel, 27.  Honestly I wish this show was more diverse...  She’s also from Florida, because they rented a big bus to get all the ladies to the mansion and got a group deal on groupon for the girls from Florida. Budget cuts sucks.  

She is an account manager, and will be helping us track the kissing leader board this season.  (you can find it here - http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelor/blogs/kiss-leaderboard/week-ten )  The weirdest thing is that she ALSO cites Home Alone 2 as her favorite movie.  What is wrong with the first one???  Luckily for the other ladies in the house (if she doesn’t leave night one), is that she’s a good cook.

Get your party hats ready, Chelsie is in the house!  At 24 years old, she looks like she’s going to be the life of the party.  I have nothing to base this on.  Moving on...

We have the party buster, Christine N. Llano, 23.  She’s a police support specialist, which means she brings the coffee and donuts to the cops in her area.  Of course she’s from Florida and ABC has no idea how to spell embarrassing in her bio...  http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelor/bios and she had them arrested for this so we have no one making a statement on this topic. 

 

Christy will be in charge of promoting the sponsors on the show this season.  She is 24 and is a marketing manager.  She will be doing a lot of product placement and things like that, so watch out for her, I bet she's really sneaky. 

Of course we also need a hairstylist, so I present to you 32 year old Clare, the hairstylist.  I mean she does have the best hair!!!!  She looks ridiculously good in a simple tank, I am sure Juan will agree with my assessment.  Love this in her BIO:  

“Who do you admire the most in the world and why?
I admire the nobodies of the world that lead selfless lives.  The ones you don't hear gloating about their accomplishments."

She would be my #2, but then I saw the MAJOR red flags...  “What is the best trip you have ever been on and why?  I have never taken a vacation. I've always worked my buns off and never made time.  Plus, I was never in a relationship that I could go on a vacation with.”  I don’t think she will last very long... 

Danielle, a.k.a. Danni Ronco, 25, is a Psychiatric Nurse.  She’s on the show to offer counsel to the crazies this season.  Why wasn’t she on Tierra’s season?  Just saying...  Juan was advised that he couldn’t kick her off early on, for everyone’s sanity sake.  She's also a model.

It’s the season of teachers, so please meet Juan-more: Elise, 27, first grade teacher.  She was in a relationship for 8 years, so I’m thinking maybe she’s a single mom?  

Next up is Kat Hurd’s boobs.  I mean...  Maybe she just has good posture?!?  This girl is such a beauty, check out her FB - https://www.facebook.com/kat.hurd.7.  Somehow she’s 29 but doesn’t show her age at all.  She’s a medical sales rep and will be dispensing drug samples to the girls this season.  Maybe she has access to free anti-aging drugs!   

She is on my top 4 because of this:  “How would you describe yourself as a lover?
I am fiercely loyal and very passionate. I love doing the little things that make your partner smile - a quick note in their gym bag, a surprise date to their favorite place - sweet, spontaneous things that make the relationship exciting and fun!” 

And this: “What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
I backpacked through the east coast of Australia for 4 weeks - by myself!”  The girl got balls

Kelly Travis, rocking a great lipstick is a dog lover as her occupation.  WAIT WHAT????  I thought former soccer players was strange as an occupation, but what is a dog lover??? She does have a lot of dog pictures on her Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/kellyrtravis and her twitter  http://twitter.com/kellytravisty  and it takes her an hour & ½ to get ready because she has to get her dogs ready too...  And she loves Christmas because she can get her dogs matching Santa hats...   

And then this is where it gets real interesting...  they write this on her bio, meanwhile this should have been in Kylie's bio, the next contestant (I checked with the ladies for confirmation) “What is your biggest date fear? Being vulnerable with someone that doesn't feel the same.” 

“What are the top 3 things on your bucket list, and why? 1.  Travel - a lot I want to experience other cultures and see the world.  2.  Sky Dive - something I always wanted to do.  3. Start a family - I know in my heart it's what I'm destined for, to be a mother and wife.”  Wait.  What about the dogs?  

Kylie Lewis, Interior Designer, won’t even get to re-design the Bachelor mansion as they are only there one day/night.  At the age of 23 she’s already scored a Doritos commercial for the SuperBowl and done a lot of other modeling gigs.  (see the commercial here!!!  http://t.co/m0SdFbl8dP)  How cool is that???


So I thought we should get ready to hear the word VULNERABLE from this girl...   “What is your biggest date fear? Being vulnerable with someone that doesn't feel the same.”  but then that's a mistake ABC made on her BIO.  This should be attributed to Kelly, the dog lover.  As if her bio wasn't embarrassing enough already.  Poor girl.

She has 2 nieces whom she is close with.  She knows Mikey from Des’s season.  We are in trouble now...

Then we have Lacy Faddoul who looks like Tenley and who owns a nursing home at 25!!!  WOW. 

This is interesting: 

“Who do you admire most in the world and why?
My mom and dad for loving 11 of us kids with 9 of them being mentally handicapped.  They have hearts of gold and have so much patience.”

Next we get Blakely flash backs with Lauren Higginson, 25, who’s a mineral coordinator.  So basically she sells drugs.  She has a hard time keeping her mouth shut if she knows she is right, so I’m expecting some great drama from this girl.  She also thinks she is Superwoman. Lauren and Lacy become great friends on the show, so she can't be that bad :)

Lauren Solomon you are music to my ears.  Aged 26, she is a music composer from Detroit, MI.  Do you think she’s Juan’s type?  She’s so cute, but I don’t see it.

Lucy’s picture is so awkward I feel bad for her...But at least the 24 year old Santa Barbara native is an ocean person.  She once organized a 50-person, fully nude dance party on a beach in Mexico. Let the party begin and let the claws come out.  I'm guessing the nude party was with her 10 year old friends way back when!

Whoohoo, finally we get to Maggie Grant, 24.  She does her own banking (personal banker), so that’s good.  The truth is she is an Account Executive at WJBF News Channel 6 

“What is your greatest achievement to date?
Last year I raised thousands of dollars for the children's muscular dystrophy association and was able to send a child suffering from the disease to an MDA summer camp.” 

I’ve had a chance to chat with her a little bit already, she is GOLD. I put her in my top 4.

So Nikki 26 is a Pediatric nurse.  Those are like the nicest people right?  Her favorite kind of dancing is drunk dancing.  Crap, we might have a problem here.  Or not!  We know Juan is a bit of a party guy right so this could work. Nikki, the probably part-time model from the way she is posing, could have a lot of fun on this show!

“Do you consider yourself neat or messy or in between?
I'd say I'm pretty messy. NOT dirty though -- there's a difference. Messy people leave clothes on their bedroom floor... dirty people leave pizza boxes.”  

Nikki or dear Nikki.  I had this argument once with a roommate, trying to tell her I was ok with messy but not dirty.  I was trying to convince her that like 100 peas on the floor was dirty AND used up pads as well...  Eeek.  She never understood, and we broke up.  

She’s so cute I’m putting her in my top #4 too, because I feel like she'll bring on the drama.

Renee Oteri, 32, the real estate agent is loyal, reliable and loving.  She also likes hand holding.  There isn’t much to say about Renee except that she's is a natural beauty and a single mom.

So my fellow Canadian friend, Sharleen, is on The Bachelor!!!!!!  Whoohoooo.  I wish I could cheer for her, but I don’t think that Juan is looking for an Opera singer.  I’m so sad.  I have a feeling she’ll get deported night one.

Get in shape ladies, Valerie is here!!!  You were starting to think The Bachelor wouldn’t have a personal trainer on the show?  Think again!  With all the drinking they do, they need to keep the girls active and looking sharp!!  The producers will make sure she stays around for a bit!  But personal trainers don't have a great reputation on the show, so I smell bad things in her future!

“Describe your idea of the ultimate date. Something outdoors and active, whether it was a sporting event or a trail hike.  She’s gonna score big points for being the active girl...

Victoria, sweet Victoria.  The strangest bio picture goes to you, and your name means victorious.  How fitting.  I hate giving it to her because it’s not even bad.  It’s just one of the worse and I haven’t been able to make fun of many this season.  Frankly it looks like they finally hired a professional photographer and stylist. I hope she doesn’t sue me for making fun of her.  She’s a legal assistant from Porto Alegre, Brazil.

“Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious, and why? I prefer to be more mysterious. It's best to leave some things to the imagination.”  Sorry hun but that doesn’t really work on the bachelor where fast-paced-relationships are needed.

That's all folks!  Who are your top 4???  Leave me a comments and follow me on twitter @marieevefast

Special thanks to @R5FamiliForever for her help with this blog.